> Chris Kirkland

Jake and Squidgy Dog - Part 2

One hundred and fourteen days had passed since Jake; his dogs and the winged cat had boarded the rotating squidgy dog. Jake's plan had been correct insofar as the idea that squeegee dog would continue to rotate, circumnavigating the globe. However his assumptions about momentum of the dog and leaving Earth's orbits had not been based on precise scientific calculation. The rotating vessel, that comprised of Jake, squeegee dog and crew was now barely two hundred meters farther towards the stars than when Jake had jumped upon the dog. Thankfully at least the dog was still rotating, giving the sense of some progress on their new journey.

Throughout most this time, squeegee dog had been stuck in a kind of shock paralysis of his mind body and ears, albeit his ears were 'paralysed' in the motion of flapping. Occasionally his thoughts would come to focus and when they did it was invariably concerning his dismay at still being unable to relax with his cheese.

Jake Had not been so inactive, for the first week, he had regularly sent his dogs off on reconnaissance missions to track the progress of the rotating vessel. Much to his disappointment they mostly returned within a matter of seconds having noted they were still in the park. However unperturbed by their apparent slow progress, Jake had also been formulating strategies for trapping life forms in the void of space where they were destined to go.

Trapping was an ancient art to man, for centuries tribes and early civilisations had painstakingly developed their own techniques and knowledge and passed it down through the generations. Cave men used consult a special breed of pigeon to advise which was the most effective wood for their clubs. The Romans used to dig pits to catch birds. English savages mainly used hay to lure their prey (hamsters) into their boiling pots. Jake however had developed his own system of thinking when it came to trapping.

The principle behind his system was that, wherever you set a trap you had already caught something, it was just a case of knowing the correct place in time where the prey would be in the trap. So for instance at the most basic level, if Jake put a bed in the park it would merely only be a matter of time before a curious chimpanzee tucked himself in for the night with a mills and boon novel and a cup of Horlicks.

Squeegee dog's body although outwardly about as sporty as trifle, was infact the epitome of health and fitness. Squeegee dog liked to work out. He had his own personal trainer, Nigel the newt before he became a spinning space vessel for Jake and his crew. And it was on the One hundred and fourteenth day of his spinning that Nigel recognised the spinning mass hovering three feet above the park to be squeegee dog.
Nigel had noticed the spinning mass on many occasions over the last few weeks, he'd naturally assumed it was just some kind of 'modern art'. He had been slightly dismayed that squeegee dog was one hundred and nine days late for his training session, but he was still patiently waiting at the corner of the tennis courts where they had arranged to meet. Newt, in a kind of similar vein to Squeegee Dogs squidgyness, had no concept of time. This had made the act of arranging their next appointment a little tricky, but squeegee had devised a clever system using coloured handkerchiefs, seagulls and rope to signal when it was time for the next session. It was the red handkerchief dangling from Squeegee Dog's breast pocket that made Nigel Realise that it was squeegee.

Jake was going through a particularly complex trapping mechanism in his head when the winged cat nudged him gently on the arm.
"Not now winged cat, I'm busy," said Jake.
The cat persisted, "Sorry to disturb you Jake, but one of the dogs has just returned for his reconnaissance mission. His claims there may be another life form attempting to board this vessel".

Jake immediately put his thoughts to one side, and looked round for the dog.
The dog barked in the direction of the lifeform in question, but this was slightly confusing for both Jake and the dog since they were on board a vessel rotating about forty seven times in one second. But after a few minutes of barking Jake managed to discern where the life form was.

"I thought we were meeting by the tennis courts" Nigel the newt telepathically called to squeegee dog.
Squidy Dog telepathically acknowledged the newt, although his was unable to send any message - it usually took him a few minutes to warm up before he could reciprocate Nigel's communication.
"You've come on very well, I was hoping to teach you how to spin after you'd learnt how to dangle, but this is very impressive. I must give you some further guidance."

Jake gave up after several minutes of attempting to rotate in the opposite direction to Squeegee Dog so he could see straight. He soon realised the only was to stabilise his personal rotation was to train one of his dogs to invert his dog magnetism and rotate in the opposite direction to Squeegee Dog so that it would hover above and act as a stable platform for Jake to rest upon.

Jake had learnt of inverting dog magnetism on one occasion where one of his early traps had misfired and caught several dogs. They became entangled dangling from its structure and in the confusion they all inverted their dog magnetism. The result was a kind of dog Nelson's cradle, in which the poor hounds were locked in bouncing off one another in a cycle, until Jake released them. He had since used this discovery to use his dogs to greater effect, serving as trampolines, protective barriers, game show hosts and a whole range of other trapping accessories.

"Okay, Now the Key to rotation is the angle at which your ears rotate" Nigel the newt was explaining to squeegee Dog as he started to climb on board.

Squeegee dog's thoughts were starting to solidify, but there was such a mess of explaining as to why there were nineteen other creatures on his back, that Nigel would just have to find out without warning.

"Hi, I'm Nigel the Newt, this fine dog's personal trainer" Nigel optimistically greeted Jake and his crew.

And at that moment Jake successfully inverted one of his dogs magnetism and they all instinctively jumped on top of the dog. Quick thinking Nigel pinched first the left ear, then flicked to right ear of the inverted dog; they all sat on that hovered above squeegee dog. Nigel experienced in the art of dog rotation knew that this would cause the dog to rotate in the opposite direction to squeegee dog. After a little turbulence, the crew seated upon the two rotating dogs began to stabilise their personal rotation and for the first time in one hundred and fourteen days Jake could again see straight.