Jake and Squidgy Dog - Part 1
27/03/2003
It was a restless day, the bird's couldn't be bothered to sing and the milk was sour. Squidgy dog slid across the pavement towards the pedestrian crossing, his intention was to relax in the park with some soft cheese, slightly melted from the heat of the day.
Very little was on Squidgy dog's mind, indeed his thoughts merely slithered about and merged together like putty. He had to focus all of his attention on the task at hand, so for instance whilst crossing he wouldn't remain stranded in the middle of the road looking for chopsticks and get run over again.
It was hard for Squidgy dog sometimes, but somehow he usually slid through.
Meanwhile, Jake set the traps as usual, but he had a tickly feeling he was going to achieve something extraordinary today. As he sweated with the spring-loaded hoops, he went through in his mind all the lifeforms he had trapped with his homemade contraptions.
The first thing of note he'd caught was uncle Fitzherberts pet Gnome - it was a rather embarrassing situation, because hitherto no-one in the family was aware that Fitzherbert's Gnome could move of it's own accord, or indeed swear and blaspheme in several European languages.
Jake when he was only twenty-seven had caught his first bishop. Quite a commotion he had caused, because most clergy were not used to dangling from trees and confused by his calls for help, a local elderly lady started to bake trays of fairy cakes and place them under the hanging priest. This continued for 6 days, until Jake dogs released the priest back into the wild.
Jake had never really thought about why he set the traps, and it was just a lucky coincidence that the local Chinese restaurant sustained his lifestyle by purchasing strange and imaginary animals that he regularly caught. If Jake had been more business minded, as his aunt Henry used to comment, he would indeed have a successful franchise of unusual meat product wholesalers. But this was of little concern to Jake.
The sun beat down like a drunkards fist on Squidgy dogs fur, at last he had reached the edge of the park, only a stones throw from the pond. The sound of exited children reverberated through Squidgy dogs ears; the playground was infested with families. Squidgy dog decided to make for the shade.
Jake was no malicious boy, he merely spent his life pursing his favourite hobbies, trapping to him was like netball is to a nun, just a bit of exercise. He sometimes noticed peoples' reactions to his setting traps in the open areas in parks, but he normally attributed the disapproving and shocked expressions to some sort of debilitating disease that many people had now-a-days.
If there was ever any trouble Jake would just call one of his winged cats and they would fly him to safety. But most the time the police were unable to find the criminal behind the illegal traps as Jake was merely two inches tall.
Squidgy dog began to unwrap the cheese, first the herbed cheese, then the thin sliced processed variety. But today was going to prove a challenge to Squidgy dog, a hedgehog who was also taking shelter in the shade of the trees had smelt out the herbed cheese and was intent on using it himself. The hedgehog made a clicking sound and slowly rolled towards the cheese. Although he heard the sound Squidgy dog was unaware of the approaching spiky ball. Just as he reached in to his pouch to find another variety of cheese, Squidgy dog saw the rolling ball moving towards the herbed cheese.
Like a flash of inspiration his thoughts merged into a plan. The dog, with as much haste as he could muster, wrapped up the cheeses and replaced them in his pouch. He then slid into the path of the approaching hedgehog and lay flat. His momentary focus had led him to believe that if was to be prickled by the spiky hedgehog, his ears would flap as a result of the pain and he would be elevated on to one of the lower branches of the tree. And there he'd be able to relax with the cheese in peace.
Jake had just finished clicking the last trap-hoop into position when he heard a bizarre hooting noise. Equally bizarre was the sight of the fish from the pond rising high above the water, forming a triangle shaped formation and wriggling through the air in a southerly direction - it appeared that they were migrating for the summer. The hooting noise repeated several times in quick succession, each time the fish altered their flight path almost instantaneously by a 90( angle until finally they were headed vertically upwards towards the heavens.
The source of the hooting noise shortly became clear, a very flat rotating dog flew out from under the trees at the bottom end of the park. It was Squidgy dog, his inspirational plan had not been fully thought through, because of the intensity of the spiky pain the direction in which his ears flapped was not under his control. Squidgy dog's ears were flapping rapidly, but in opposite directions, this caused his body to rotate so he looked not dissimilar to a spinning flying carpet that hovered a few feet off the ground.
Jake immediately realised this was his chance. The spinning dog was already headed in his direction, all he had to do was to jump at the right moment and quickly notify his winged cat and dogs of the imminent change in their situation. He would use this spinning dog as a sort of organic flying to circumnavigate the globe carpet thereby gathering enough speed to leave the earth's atmosphere and head towards the stars in search of even stranger varieties of life than he could dream up on earth.
It all happened in a flash - the winged cats and 17 dogs materialised on Squidgy dog's back and Jake hardly had to move to get in position. The flailing dog rotated towards Jake and the winged cat gave Jake the signal to jump, caught him and they were off on their new journey. Jake smiled at Squidgy dog; he had a feeling they were going to get on.