The kamakaze pidgeons of the north yorkshire moors
29/07/2003
Unbelieveable stories are starting to emerge from the paddocks of the Northern territories, whispers circulate amongst the studs and mares of remote Yorkshire. The word on the paddock is that BIll Bailey is up to his old tricks again, mainly stealing speckled chickens and pidgeons from Romanian orphans. This he does by bludgeoning the helpless kids with a blunt penguin (£18.99 at B&Q). Once aquired the helpless ornothods are forced into a shameful life of servitude to Bill - phelching his parrots and reading his goats' horroscopes. Their only chance of escape from bill's greasy sweaty lap, is to fly kamakaze into wondering veichles on the A32 to Bradford. Once Bill has selected a target, volunteer pidgeons must fly verticle for a far as they can climb, which is hard as their wings have been removed, but once there, they are allowed to drop, make the ultimate sacrifice in a frivilous anti-car campaign. Bill attatches par-boiled lizzards to their young testicles, before releasing them on their date with desitiny.
A local at the Red Lion pub, near Bishop Aukland, said, "it's bluddy gota stop. Arve 'ad three tractor 'it this week" before slapping his daughter with a rash of half cooked smoked bacon.
